Based on the theme ‘Darkness’
It’s been a long while since I’ve felt the sun. Oh, I’ve tried, for sure. Sat outside for the whole night waiting for those first warm rays to crest the horizon… but they never came. I stayed indoors after that, cocooned safe in bed. But bed can’t last forever.
My sleep is changing too. Used to be I had a good healthy routine. Early to bed, early to rise, and all that. I could wake up and actually look forward to things. Now there’s no such thing as morning or evening. Just times where I’m awake, and times where I’m asleep.
Time is becoming a grey morass. The minutes slip into hours, which turn into days. Sometimes I pace around the house, trying to occupy myself with walking back and forth. Sometimes I try withdrawing from the world, hiding in my room, staring at the ceiling or at screens. I watch a lot of television now… not that I take any of it on board. Maybe watch is a generous word. It exists in front of my blank eyes. Every show is as grey as the sky and slips by almost unheard.
I avoid leaving the house now. The old life I had, seeing friends, visiting places… it’s all gone. I can barely bring myself to look at the front door now. Leaving the house is a herculean effort. Even if I did, I don’t think I could drag my eyes away from the ground. It almost hurts to look at the empty now.
My heart aches, dully. I almost wish it were sharper so I could have something real to focus on. As it is, it feels like a concrete slab has been laid on my chest, slowly squeezing the breath and life out of me. I shamble through life, a zombie. I’m mindless. Through the suffocating fog, the only thought I can muster is about the life I once had.
I can’t understand why the warmth went away. Hadn’t life been good? I’d worked hard, loved well, owned things, talked to people. All those things I’d been told were necessary for happiness. And I had been happy. Everything had been fine.
So why had the sun gone?
I wander outside again. It’s late in the night, so late that it can’t quite be called night any more. I haven’t slept for a long time. Dully, I stare at the horizon.
I sit there until the sun rises, as it had every day for the last six months.
The world had not changed. The sun still came every day.
But still I could not feel its warmth.